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19 June 2012 @ 01:31 am
Notes to self about "A loyal man"  
Stupid brain, being all inspired to write something completely different than the story I'm actually supposed to be writing.

Currently I'm on a Florence + The Machine binge and it has turned out that a lot of her/their songs fit characters from my All the Changed-series, the characters from A loyal man in particular. I am thus forced to make this playlist, so I can remember to listen to the songs in the "correct" order once I'm done with NaNo and can continue A loyal man.

1) The Hardest of Hearts (Aysela & Sen)
Reflections on their situations and feelings towards one another at the start of the story (after the prologue) and possibly a little way into the plot.



There is love in your body, but you can't hold it in
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts


The hardest of hearts (x 3)

There is love in your body, but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste


Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But you'll never know what a fool I've been

Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But that's no excuse for the state I'm in


The hardest of hearts (x 3)

There is love in our bodies and it holds us together
But pulls us apart when we're holding each other
We all want something to hold in the night
We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight


There is love in your body, but you can't get it out
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste


Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But you'll never know what a fool I've been

Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But that's no excuse for the state I'm in


The hardest of hearts (x 3)

My heart swells like water and waves
Can't stop myself before it's too late

Hold on to your heart
'Cause I'm coming to take it

Hold on to your heart
'Cause I'm coming to break it


Hold on (x nth)
The hardest of hearts (x nth)


2) Galaxy of the Lost (Sen to Tiashar)

Using alcohol as a metaphor for murder and general (non-consensual) sadism here. Sen has his weak moments, when the constant act of being Tiashar's most loyal servant and lover takes its toll on his psyche. He never does give in to the mad ideas that Tiashar's influence brings to the surface of his mind, but the fantasy of letting himself turn into the sadist the rest of the world thinks he is both tempting and disgusting...

Hate to think
What would happen if I started to drink like you
Maybe I would
Loosen up
So pour me another gin

Guzzle down
My neck will burn
And as we kiss
And I'm sick in your mouth
I know you want more
Lick my open wounds
And add some ice
And choke on my sick vice
Oh God, the lights are on

Trapped in bed
As the poison slowly creeps
And stops me dead
I should have known
Better than to cave
Into such fantasies

Guzzle down
My neck will burn
And as we kiss
And I'm sick in your mouth
I know you want more
Lick my open wounds
And add some ice
And choke on my sick vice
Oh God, the lights are on

I feel better
Now I've seen you
But deep inside
My bones feel like timber
And I am shaking at the tension
And I will shudder at the mention


3) Swimming (Sen to Emic)

After Emic heals Sen, Sen is stirred from his half-madness, recalling what life among the rest of his own kind used to be like. In his mind, Emic becomes a symbol for altruism and kindness; later leading to his idea to set Aysela and Emic up as a romantic couple (which doesn't go the way Sen planned).

Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Dragged further away from the shore,
And deeper into the drink

Sat on the bottom of the ocean,
A stern and stubborn rock
'Cause your songs remind me of swimming,
But somehow I forgot


I was sinking, and now I'm sunk
I was drinking, and now I'm drunk
Your songs remind me of swimming,
But somehow I forgot

I tried to remember the chorus,
I can't remember the verse
'Cause that song that sent me swimming,
Is now the life jacket that burst


Rotting like a wreck on the ocean floor,
Sinking like a siren that can't swim anymore
'Cause our songs remind me of swimming,
But I can't swim anymore

Pull me out the water, cold and blue,
I open my eyes and I see that it's you,
So I dive straight back in the ocean
So I dive straight back in the ocean

Take a deep breath, suck the water in my chest
Take a deep breath, suck the water in my chest
Cross my fingers and hope for the best


Then all of a sudden, I heard a note,
It started in my chest and ended in my throat
Then I realized, then I realized, then I realized
I was swimming,
Yes, I was swimming
And now I'm swimming,
Yes, I am swimming

Your songs remind me of swimming
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink
Oh, your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started
Your songs remind me of swimming,
Which I forgot when I started to sink


4) All This And Heaven Too (Emic)

Trying to sort out his feelings towards Sen, somewhere during the first half of the story. He's never been in love before, go figure.

And the heart is hard to translate
It has a language of its own
It talks in tongues and quiet sighs,
And prayers and proclamations
In the grand days of great men and the smallest of gestures
And short shallow gasps

But with all my education I can’t seem to command it
And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged
And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how
I can’t seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see
‘Cause I’ve been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

And it talks to me in tiptoes
And it sings to me inside
It cries out in the darkest night and breaks in the morning light

But with all my education I can’t seem to command it
And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged
And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how
I can’t seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see
‘Cause I’ve been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

And I would give all this and heaven too
I would give it all if only for a moment
That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see
‘Cause I’ve been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

No, words are a language
It doesn’t deserve such treatment
And all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling

All this heaven never could describe such a feeling as I'm hearing

Words were never so useful
So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before


5) Breath of Life (Sen)

Reflections on how stupid it was to look for relief from Tiashar's way of life and how very, very stupid (but wonderful) it is to not only be in love with Aysela, but with Emic too.

I was looking for a breath of a life
For a little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say no

To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sun at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no

But I would need one more touch
Another taste of heavenly rush
And I believe, I believe it's so

And I need a one more touch
Another taste of divine rush
And I believe, I believe it's so


Whose side am I on? Whose side am I?
Whose side am I on? Whose side am I?

And the fever begins to spread
From my heart down to my legs
But the room is so quiet

And although I was losing my mind
It was a call that was so sublime
But the room is so quiet

I was looking for a breath of a life
A little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no

To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sun in the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no


It's a long way and it's come from paper
And I always say, we should be forgiven
I can see the look, because this song has ended
And if you are gone, I will not be long (be long, be long, be long)

And I started to hear it again
But this time it wasn't the end
And the room is so quiet

And my heart is the heart of a life
For the devil to dance again
And the room is too quiet

I was looking for the breath of a life
A little touch of a heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no


6) Heartlines (Aysela & Sen)

Aysela is finally figuring out how to beat Tiashar and doing her best not to worry about the sacrifices necessary, while Sen has a vague idea of what might be needed and knows he doesn't have the power to do it.

Oh the river, oh the river, it’s running free.
And oh the joy, oh the joy it brings to me.
But I know it’ll have to drown me,
Before I can breathe easy.
And I’ve seen it in the flights of birds,
I’ve seen it in you.
The entrails of the animals,
The blood running through.
But in order to get to the heart,
I think sometimes you'll have to cut through.
But you can’t…

We will carry…
We will carry you there…


Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Keep it up!
I know you can!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Cause I am…


Odyssey on oddysey and land over land.
Creeping and crawling like the sea over sand.
Still I follow heartlines on your hand.
And there’s fantasy, there’s fallacy, there’s tumbling stone.
Echoes of a city that’s long overgrown.
Your heart is the only place that I call home,
I cannot be returned.
You can…

You can…
I know you can…

Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Keep it up!
I know you can!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!

What a thing to do…
What a thing to choose…
But know, in some way I’m there with you.
Up against the wall on a Wednesday afternoon.

Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Keep it up!
I know you can!
Just keep following!
The heartlines on your hand!
Cause I am.


7) No Light, No Light (Sen)

Ending up having to partake in a battle directly between Tiashar and Aysela, Sen mentally checks out, caught between horrible grief (for there is no way Aysela will be walking way from this one) and numbness. Half of this I think of as him telling Aysela, (and partly Aysela's corpse), and the other half is aimed at Tiashar.

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between what I thought
And what I said

You are the night time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over you'll start
You're my head
You're my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say

Through the crowd, I was crying out
And in your place there were a thousand other faces
I was disappearing in plain sight
Heaven help me, I need to make it right

You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution
You want a revelation

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say

Would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done?
And would you need me,
If I told you what I've become?
'cause it's so easy,
To say it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love,
To say it to you out loud

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can't choose what stays and what fades away

And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say

You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution
You want a revelation

You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation, some kind of resolution
Tell me what you want me to say.


8) Leave My Body (Sen)

Having finally overcome the shock Aysela's death caused, Sen steels himself for killing Tiashar, gathering all his strength. He wants the rest of his people to survive - Emic most of all - but he knows he has nothing to look forward to, other than brief joy as Tiashar dies before his eyes; killing Tiashar isn't easily done and will without a doubt cost him his life, but he's prepared to pay that price now.

I'm gonna be released from behind these lines
And I don't care whether I live or die
And I'm losing blood, I'm gonna leave my bones
And I don't want your heart it leaves me cold

I don't want your future
I don't need your past
One bright moment
Is all I ask

I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me down)
Said I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me, pulling me down)

I don't need a husband, don't need no wife
And don't need the day, I don't need the night
And I don't need the birds let them fly away
And I don't want the clouds, they never seem to stay

I don't want no future
I don't need no past
One bright moment
Is all I ask

I don't want your future
I don't need your past
One bright moment
Is all I ask

I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me down)
Said I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my, lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me, pulling me down)

Pulling me down
Pulling me down
Pulling me down
Pulling me, pulling me down

I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me down)
Said I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me, pulling me down)

Yeah, said I'm gonna leave my body
(moving up to higher ground)
I'm gonna lose my mind
(History keeps pulling me down)
(moving up to higher ground)
(History keeps pulling me, pulling me down)


9) Spectrum (Aysela)

Aysela and her allies' gambit payed off and she now returns in a triumphant final battle with Tiashar. There are also some hints of what the home world was like before the breaking and what the flight to the new dimension did to their people.

When we first came here
We were cold and we were clear
With no colors in our skin
We were light and paper thin

And when we first came here
we were cold and we were clear
With no colors in our skin
'Til we let the spectrum in

Say my name
And every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

And when we come for you
We'll be dressed up all in blue
With the ocean in our arms
Kiss your eyes and kiss your palms

And when it's time to pray
Dressed up all in grey
With metal on our tongues
And silver in our lungs

Say my name
And every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

And when we come back we'll be dressed in black
And you'll scream my name aloud
And we won't eat and we won't sleep
We'll drag bodies from a ground

So say my name
And every color illuminates
And we are shining
And we'll never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining

And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
As every color illuminates
We are shining
And we will never be afraid again

Say my name
We are shining
Say my name
Say my name
And we will never be afraid again
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Listening to: Leave My Body - Florence + The Machine